Make the Parasite Ecology Blog Great Again

[I’m a few days late for my very spooky Halloween post. Can you guess who I went as?]

This blog used to be a great blog. The best blog. But some things have been happening on this blog that aren’t that great. Believe me – I’ve seen it. That cartoon of a starfish eating mussels? Terrible. You know it. I know it. We’re going to completely get rid of it and replace it. We’re going to create competition and then you can have any starfish cartoon you want. The best starfish cartoon. And it has been three weeks without a post. Where has the blogger been for the last few weeks? Where is she? She can’t keep up with blogging while writing proposals? I don’t think she has the stamina to be the Parasite Ecology blogger. She’s a nasty blogger. I’m the only one who can run this blog. I’m going to make this blog great again. I’m going to do it, and I’m going to do it big time. We’re going to put some law and order back into this blog. We’re going to have posts every week, and The Readers are going to pay for them! And there are posts on this blog – bad posts. I mean really bad posts. We’re going to find those posts, and we’re going to export them to a PDF. Because the blogger wants to keep them! She wants to keep all of them! But I heard that she deleted 33,000 posts that were never shared with the blog. 35,000 posts. Gone. Who does that? 39,000 posts. Ask anybody: nobody respects bloggers like I do. Nobody. I love bloggers. Really. Listen, this all started simple. It’s called, “Make the Parasite Ecology Blog Great Again.” And I have recommended 20 supreme parasite ecology papers to be voted onto the Parasite Ecology Blog. These are highly respected, conservative papers. Here are their titles, because the other credentials are irrelevant:

  1. One hundred new parasite species discovered from a single flannel moth caterpillar (family Megalopygidae).
  2. Parasites of China. In China. From China. China.
  3. Drain the swamp: Wetland modification removes all parasites from the ecosystem. And everything else, too.
  4. You’re fired: Flame throwers are a highly effective control for larval nematodes.
  5. Infection economy: Hosts’ net fitness goes up and down with attitudes and feelings.
  6. The number of emerging infectious diseases caused by illegal immigrants is unfortunately zero.
  7. Very small sample size suggests that there are zero parasite species in Russia.
  8. Report on ten methods unlikely to successfully control radical parasitism.
  9. Surprising new insights regarding The World’s best known microphallid.
  10. Despite extensive contrary morphological and molecular data, these parasites are totally from Africa. [600 page opinion paper]
  11. Response to “No, these parasites are definitely not from Africa”: Other people totally said these parasites were from Africa first, but we said it longest and loudest, and that benefited parasitology because reasons.
  12. Discovery of the best model system that is the just the best, really.
  13. Compensating for reduced reproductive success: Why microphallids and their male hosts should both drive Ferraris.
  14. An anecdotal study: Can mind controlling parasites cause hosts to apply for jobs for which they are unqualified?
  15. Newly discovered louse species uses absurdly tiny grasping structures to cling to domestic cats.
  16. WRONG: Weird, Really Orange, Narcissistic…Giardia.
  17. Grab ’em by the footsie: Echinostome metacercariae stunt growth of cockle foot, increasing likelihood of predation by final host.
  18. Intermediate virulence hypothesis falsified: Parasite can kill all of its hosts without losing fitness – it’s like, incredible!
  19. Host defense doesn’t stop at the end of the epidermis: Concealed antibodies carried by tens of millions of American leucocytes.
  20. Miss Piggy goes to market: Is pork tapeworm cysticerci in our food supply?

1 thought on “Make the Parasite Ecology Blog Great Again

  1. This is what is really needed to make the blog great again!! Tell it like it is! Don’t mince words, because that makes you truthful!

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